How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
