So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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