my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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