Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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