super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
