i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
