I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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