i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
