there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
