So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
