there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
