my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
