I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
