Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
