Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
