What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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