what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
