I just threw up on my dentist
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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