i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he fucked my hip out of place.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
