so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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