you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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