he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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