I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
