Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
