You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
