so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
