Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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