so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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