The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
