Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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