Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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