just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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