it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
