There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize