he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
