I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
