Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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