everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize