R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
