ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
