U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
