hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
