I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
