I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
