Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
