She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
