Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
