i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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