those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
nutella sex= disaster
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
