how can u be prego again
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
