I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
