Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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