puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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