That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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