You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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