She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
